What Men Don't Fully Understand About Women: Comfort

I’ve spent a large amount of my life interacting with women and I’ve always felt comfortable having non-sexual conversations with women. I grew up with my mother and sister, and I’ve worked in environments where, as a man, I’m the minority. So, my outlook on life as a man typically has the consideration of women and how they feel about situations as well.

Some people want you to believe that men and women are the same minus the genitalia but, generally speaking, we interpret things differently and we approach situations differently. If life is a painting, the average man and average woman could look at the same painting and interpret the image to mean something completely different.

For the past couple of years, I’ve consumed a considerable amount of men’s content online, especially in the realm of dating advice or just explaining male-to-female dynamics for relationships. Whether it be the content creators themselves or people who lurk in the comments, there is an area that I believe that a lot of these men and your average man don’t fully understand about women: their constant desire to feel comfortable.

I’ve been on a multitude of dates with women and as a personal experiment, I would ask them what was their worst date or worst online dating interaction and they were all generally revolving around the same outcome; the man made them feel uncomfortable. Whether it be unsolicited d*ck pics, wanting to talk about sex 20 minutes after saying hello, or displaying objectively abrasive behavior, all of these women felt it was a violation of their personal comfort.

Women love comfortable surroundings and it’s difficult for men to consider comfort as a high priority because we see comfort as a side dish and not the entrée as women do. It takes a lot for me to feel uncomfortable because I look at the world differently but I’m cognizant that women approach it differently.

Even though we see the world differently, we still have the same desirable outcome, which is safety. Part of the reason women want to feel comfortable is that it’s a measurement of the proximity to danger. Men focus on obvious markers of danger, especially if they’re visual markers of danger but women lean on their intuition and how they feel about a circumstance.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out with a woman and while meeting someone, everything appears to be fine but then privately she’ll tell me how she doesn’t like the person. I would ask why and she would explain that it’s because of an subtle inflection in their voice or how they physically felt in that situation. We were looking at the same painting and she didn’t like it while I thought the painting was fine.

I think a lot of men aren’t truly aware of how important it is for a woman to feel comfortable because it could mean the difference between being physically hurt and remaining safe. Men tend to be logical and proof oriented about everything, which has its benefits but because we can’t measure feelings, we think that they are unreliable ways of reacting to the world. Regardless of how we think, women rely on them to keep themselves safe.

When a man projects energy that is chaotic, women feel it and react to it. The man may not even realize he’s putting this energy out but she’s always going to play it safe in this circumstance because trusting the wrong man could get her hurt.

When men show desperation, wanting to quickly be alone with a woman, exaggerative expressions, or harsh language, this will inevitably make a woman go on high alert.

I am a naturally calm person and am considerate of the environment people are in. If a woman shows slight discomfort in something, I acknowledge it and depending on the situation, avoid going in that direction or reassure her that everything will be fine.

Men need to understand that if they want women to want to be around them, they have to have calmness and confidence in action and not verbiage. Anyone who tells you that you can trust them, you should not trust them. Anyone who displays trustworthy behavior is someone who you should trust.

Because men are verbal, we think that “spitting game” is the way to lure women when the communication women are looking for is non-verbal. They’re looking for a confident man because confident men are safer than insecure men. Insecure men beat women, not confident men. Insecure men stalk women, not confident men. When a woman finds a confident man, she’ll climb mountains to keep that man because she understands that this man is hard to find and in demand.

“Spitting game” is manipulative and it might get you laid but it won’t keep her around. If men want long-term success and long-term relationships, they need to spend more time building themselves up because that’s the magnet that draws in women.

Confidence is the reassuring non-verbal communication that women are looking for. Become a confident man.

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